It’s fun and easy to mock the dervishes of politically-correct language.
But the thinking behind it masks a righteousness that would hang anyone who says ‘lumberjack’ instead of ‘woodchopper’ for fear of offending millions of marginalized female lumberjacks.
This week I stumbled across the WIPO Guidelines on Inclusive Language, issued by the World Intellectual Property Organisation. Here I learned to say “faithful dog” instead of “man’s best friend”, a “person who has had a stroke” rather than a “stroke victim”; and “a person with a drug addiction” rather than “an addict.”
In August, the British Red Cross issued a similar document whose earnestness disguises precisely the extremism George Orwell warned us about in 1946. Staff were told to avoid saying “ladies and gentlemen” because it is not inclusive. The same with “maiden name.” They were also told not to refer to “women” but to “people who have periods.” Or if you find that a little extreme, it’s also acceptable to say “women, girls and people who menstruate.” This may be because “people who are not women” can get pregnant and have periods.
My head hurts.
But the prize for insane fear of giving offence goes to Lloyd’s Bank which in March issued new language guidelines for its 57,000 employees. It strongly suggested avoiding the use of the word “widow” because it can trigger upsetting memories, and suggests using ‘separated’ instead, though as you can instantly see, saying “Mrs. Mcgillicuddy is separated” is very different from saying she is “widowed.” And this from a bank which owns Scottish Widows, an insurance company with $400 billion in assets.
But the worst example of calisthenic correctness goes to avoiding the phrases “guinea pig” and “headless chicken.” Why would we avoid them? Because they can be trauma-inducing for vegans.
I ask you, of all the vegans you know, how many do you think, upon hearing the words “guinea pig”, would feel traumatized in the way you would if someone mentioned the name of your rapist or your mother’s killer?
Because, as Celia Walden pointed out in The Telegraph this week, “[While WIPO’s guidelines are]…wasting time, energy, money and headspace over the intrinsic unjustness of “lumberjacks”, nearly 4.4 million girls are at risk of female genital mutilation this year (that’s more than 12,000 girls each day)….Additionally, one woman or girl is killed by someone in her own family every 11 minutes.”
So maybe we could focus on real issues like this rather than the “problematic patriarchal connotations” of the word “sportsmanlike.”
Meanwhile…
1. Dogging Trump. The best moment of the Presidential debate was about household pets. Which leads me to ask: Can Donald Trump outsmart a raccoon? We know he can’t outgun a grieving father.
2. Races you might not want to enter. Like the Antarctica Ironman. Or this.
3. Still time to see Liane Moriarty. Next Thursday, Sept. 19, the superstar novelist (Big Little Lies, Nine Perfect Strangers) discusses her latest mega-hit Here One Momentonstage at Koerner Hall. Tickets here.
4. Bad behaviour. What’s worse than chastising your tennis doubles team-mate during a match in front of the crowd? Doing that in the middle of singing your love-duo on-stage in Tosca.
What’s not bad is to poo at work. The Australian health department has launched a campaign, “It’s not bad to poo at work.” Here’s why.
5. Secretive dictator sires secret sons. It seems Vladimir Putin has two sons, ages 5 and 9, via his mistress, Olympic gymnast Alina Kabaeva. They lead highly privileged, guarded lives.
Speaking of Russians, remember the founder of the Telegram messaging app who was arrested when his private jet landed in Paris? Pavel Durov is worth learning more about.
6. Dance 10. Looks 10. Now you can learn Michael Jackson’s Top 5 dance moves. And bring out your inner clothes horse.
7. Do-It-Yourself. If you were to randomly click on the first link of any Wikipedia article, where would that lead you ?
Plus how you can be a citizen science sleuth.
And here’s a major literary prize any of us can win. The rules for the Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest are childishly simple: submit the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels. This year’s winner: “She had a body that reached out and slapped my face like a five-pound ham-hock tossed from a speeding truck.”
8. Liar. Liar. Charts lie, all the time. Sometimes it’s their fault; sometimes it’s ours. While data visualizations appear to present information objectively, they are laden with assumptions.
Speaking of untruths, there is no such thing as “the woke mind virus.” While you may think so, the ideas you don’t like do not spread via contagion.
9. New uses for old drugs, and new. The world of ‘born again’ drugs used to be hit and miss. Viagra started as a heart drug. Then researchers discovered it could help you hold an erection. But now with AI, the chances of finding those rare new uses of existing drugs are improved mightily, especially for Alzheimer’s.
And it’s not just old drugs that have new uses. Even Yellow 5 Food Dye has a big new medical application.
Finally, a straight-up new drug for pain relief.
10.We live in odd times. The NSA, America’s most secretive secret agency, has launched a podcast to discuss its work. Also, how wads of cash can make you blind.
11. What I’m liking. Ben Macintyre’s new book, The Siege, about the storming of the Iranian Embassy in London in 1980, which had been captured (along with its occupants) by terrorists. Margaret Thatcher was PM then and…she wasn’t in the mood to negotiate.
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HEAR MSNBC’S ALI VELSHI ON WHAT THE U.S. ELECTION MEANS FOR US ALL.
Every day from his anchor desk in New York, Ali Velshi analyses not just the race, but the consequences of whether Harris or Trump will win on November 5.
So please join us on October 15 as MSNBC’s Chief Correspondent offers his take on the most important election for Canada in decades – and discusses his new book, Small Acts of Courage, his own Indian-Kenyan-Canadian-American family’s story.
Ali will also be interviewed by Susan Ormiston, CBC senior correspondent
and former Washington correspondent. Here he is now about this event.
Date: Tuesday, October 15, 2024
Time: 7:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. (Doors open at 6:30 p.m.) ET
Place: Koerner Hall, 273 Bloor St. West, Toronto, just west of the ROM.
Tickets: $55, $65, $75, or $90 (Premium*) and includes your copy of Small Acts of Courage. * Limited quantities of Premium tickets include an exclusive pre-event reception with the author and a signed copy of Small Acts of Courage, along with a complimentary drink.
TICKETS HERE
Please pass this invitation on to like-minded friends and family.
Cheers,
Bob Ramsay
In partnership with
